2023 Year in Review

I had a fantastic year completing my novel, experimenting with this newsletter, and abiding in general. So, I figured recapping the madness would make for a fun time.

Twenty-Twenty-Three Autopsy Report

FIRST QUARTER

I launched paid subscription tiers with a whimper and quickly realized The Invisible Hand valued my creative output at approximately $0.00 per year. I eviscerated Davos Man, saw Predator and RRR on the big screen, dunked on the dipshits running for Alderperson in my local ward, tore the meniscus in my old man knee (on a trampoline FFS), did a bloated but incredible Super Bowl collabo with Michael Estrin and Dennard Dayle, had surgery to repair the torn meniscus in my old man knee (from a trampoline injury FFS), and annihilated Substack management’s community fundraising pitch.

Conflicted emotion: Impotent rage.

SECOND QUARTER

I documented my ordeal surviving the U.S. healthcare system, took my first ever stab at poetry, fine-tuned the query letter I prepared to hook a bloodsucking literary agent, celebrated my first anniversary on this dying platform, kicked off a thought-provoking letter exchange with Samuél Lopez-Barrantes, ran a banger of a Mother’s Day guest post by Meg Oolders, finished the first draft of my goddamn novel!, did an inspirational collabo with Michael and Dennard, escaped a full-blown descent into madness alongside some unmedicated first-graders, and pantsed the “artificial intelligence” hype machine.

Conflicted emotion: Hopeful despair.

THIRD QUARTER

I revised my novel, debuted two fantastic series — Field Guides and Substack’s Heart of Darkness — channeled my inner Hunter S. Thompson at a neighborhood weed dispensary meeting, distilled the summer double-issue of The Economist to its purest essence, exchanged deeply serious letters with Ivy League intellectual Dennard Dayle, revised my novel some more, wrote an incredibly personal birthday poem, provided a playbook for acing middle age, threw in the towel on generating recurring revenue from this idiotic publication, revised my novel a few more times, and closed the quarter with back-to-back vivisections of Big Chocolate and Traditional Publishing.

Conflicted emotion: Ambitious resignation.

FOURTH QUARTER

I recorded my first ever podcast interview with SLB, queried dozens of bloodsucking literary agents, started my own YouTube podcast with Cat Baab-Muguira, got dozens of rejections from bloodsucking literary agents, queried dozens more bloodsucking literary agents, broke down cult classic films, got dozens more rejections from bloodsucking literary agents, did a collabo with Michael and Dennard worthy of Rockefeller and Carnegie, queried dozens more bloodsucking literary agents, received an offer of representation from a bloodsucking literary agent!, lit fires under the asses of a dozen bloodsucking literary agents, received a second offer of representation from a bloodsucking literary agent, dissected the “1,000 true fans” model with publishing OG Jane Friedman, hung out with D-Day and Anne Kadet in The Big Apple, signed an agreement with a bloodsucking literary agent!, published a five-year retrospective detailing my ill-advised writing journey, embroiled myself in a hate-speech imbroglio when I suggested to Substack management on their Twitter knockoff that monetizing white supremacists and neo-Nazis was a losing business strategy, got piled on by a bunch of hate-speech loving trolls and neo-Nazi sympathizers, took a much-needed break from this hate-speech and neo-Nazi-sympathizing platform, revised my novel once more based on feedback from my bloodsucking sage literary agent, and wrote this worthless year in review.

Conflicted emotion: Misanthropic gratitude.

It’s been a wild and wildly successful year. I couldn’t have asked for a better one. Thanks for following along.

Novel Update

My bloodsucking savvy literary agent had some great suggestions for how I could make my already kickass novel even more kickass — and commercially attractive.

Luckily, the targeted areas for improvement were limited in scale and scope, and over the last few weeks I tightened up those sections and the manuscript overall. Presuming my bloodsucking wise and powerful literary agent agrees the novel is ready, the plan is to take it on submission in January.

With any luck, I could have myself a bona fide book deal during the first quarter of 2024.

Exciting and/or tragic updates in due course.