A Problematic Tidbit

I descend from the final generation of humans reared without the internet. This means there are countless songs I listened to when I was young — on the radio! — which have remained title-less and artist-less in my diseased mind for decades.

Enter Shazam.

Whenever I’m in Home Depot or Target, and a track which has been gnawing away at my limited brain tissue starts playing, I whip out my overpriced iPhone and resolve this long-standing childhood trauma.

Recently, I stumbled across “Everything She Wants” by Wham! and I’ve been rocking the 1984 synth-pop banger non-stop.

Unfortunately, being a writer-type, I zeroed in on the lyrics and was like:

Behold the stripped down verses (emphasis mine):

Somebody told me

Boy, everything she wants, is everything she sees

I guess I must have loved you

Because I said you were the perfect girl for me, baby

And now we're six months older

And everything you want, and everything you see

Is out of reach, not good enough

I don't know what the hell you want from me

Some people work for a living

Some people work for fun

Girl, I just work for you

They told me marriage was a give and take

Well, you've shown me you can take, you've got some giving to do

And now you tell me that you're having my baby

I'll tell you that I'm happy if you want me to

But one step further, and my back will break

If my best isn't good enough

Then how can it be good enough for two?

Oh, why do, I do the things I do?

I'd tell you if I knew

My God, I don't even think that I love you

Yeah.

The good news is, over the ensuing forty years, Western society has become progressive enough for my wife to sing this song about me.