Covid Christmas Classics

OMICRON IS COMING TO TOWN BY BING CROSBY

You’d better get vaxxed,
You’d better boost high,
Better wear your mask,
I’m telling you why.

Omicron is comin’ to town.

They’re making a list,
They’re checking it twice,
Gonna find out who’s rolled the dice.

Omicron is comin’ to town.

They see you when you’re meeting,
They know the risks you take,
They know if you’ve been boosted and vaxxed,
So, get jabbed for goodness' sake.

Oh, you’d better get vaxxed,
You’d better boost high,
Better wear your mask,
I’m telling you why.

Omicron is comin’ to town.

Little dry coughs,
And crushing fatigue,
Joint aches and pains,
Shortness of breath,
Escalating fever,
No taste or smell,
Should’ve gotten vaxxed aww dammit to hell!

Omicron is comin’ to town.

So, you’d better get vaxxed,
You’d better boost high,
Better wear your mask,
I’m telling you why.

Omicron is comin’ to town!

I’LL BE INFECTED FOR CHRISTMAS BY FRANK SINATRA

I’ll be infected for Christmas,
You can count on me,
Screw your masks, I’m anti-vax,
With ivermectin under my tree.

Omicron will find me,
Where GOPs reigns supreme,
I’ll be infected for Christmas,
And Dems won’t tread on me.

I’ll be infected this Christmas, darling,
Bringing omicron to you.
And listen up Comrade Fauci,
There’s nothing you can do.

I’ll be infected for Christmas,
You can count on me,
Screw your masks, I’m anti-vax,
With horsie paste under my tree.

Omicron will find me,
No mandates, rejoice.
I’ll be infected for Christmas,
My body, my choice!
I’ll be infected for Christmas
I owned the libs, rejoice!

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS (IS MY VENTILATOR) BY THE NAT “KING” COLE TRIO

All I want for Christmas,
Is my ventilator,
My ventilator,
Oh, my ventilator,
Gee, if I could only,
Have my ventilator,
Then I could breathe a Merry Christmas.

Every nurse stops,
And jams tubes in me,
These two lungs are,
Fried as you can see,
I know just who,
To blame for this catastrophe — JOE BIDEN,
And my one wish this Christmas Eve,
Is as desperate as can be.

All I want for Christmas,
Is my ventilator,
My ventilator,
Oh, my ventilator,
Gee, if I could only,
Have my ventilator,
Then I could breathe a Merry Christmas.

It seems so long since I could, gee,
Walk, breathe, think clearly, taste or smell,
Gosh oh gee, how happy I’d be,
If I wasn’t going through hell.

All I want for Christmas,
Is my ventilator,
My ventilator,
Oh, my ventilator,
Gee, if I could only,
Have my ventilator,
Then I could breathe a Merry Christmas!

COVID BABY BY EARTHA KITT

Covid baby, just slip a spike protein into me,
Your key,
Been an anti-vax girl, Covid baby,
So, hurry down my airway tonight.

Covid baby, happy hypoxia too,
Skin’s blue,
I’m a vector for you, Covid baby,
So, hurry down my airway tonight.

Think of all, the germs I’ve spread,
It’s a miracle I’m not, already dead,
Next year I could host omicron,
If you’ll bind to my ACE2 receptors.

Covid baby, I want to sail away on a cruise,
For you,
Been superspreading all year,
Covid baby, so hurry down my airway tonight.

Covid honey, I’m gonna take an overcrowded flight,
In spite,
I’ll refuse to mask up,
Covid baby, so hurry down my airway tonight.

Covid cutie, I need to be fine-wined and dined,
Divine,
Won’t social distance inside,
Covid cutie, so hurry down my airway tonight.

Come and trim my Christmas tree,
With some ivermectin bought at T. Supply,
I don’t actually believe in you,
Because you were created in a Wuhan lab.

Covid baby, forgot to mention one little thing,
A fling,
Aaron Rodgers will do,
Covid baby, so hurry down my airway tonight.
Hurry down my airway tonight.
Hurry, tonight.

THE VACCINATION SONG BY ELLA FITZGERALD

Corpses roasting on an open fire,
Delta nipping at your nose,
Mobile morgues, lining the streets,
And bodies stacked up like kids’ Lego.

Everybody knows a booster and N95,
Help to keep your cells alight,
Anti-vax, white nationalists,
Will find it hard to breathe tonight.

They know that Omicron’s on their way,
They’ve mutated away from the mRNAs,
And every governor is gonna spy,
To see if their constituents all wanna die.

And so, I’m offering this simple phrase,
To humans from five to ninety-two,
Although it’s been said many times, many ways,
GET FUCKING VACCINATED FOR FUCK’S SAKE.