Yo, Did You Guys Hear Will and Chris Got Physical?

The wildest shit ever happened at the Oscars last Sunday, and nobody’s talking about it!

Check this: during the ceremony, Will Smith, who won Best Actor for King Richard — it’s like a Hamilton thing about King Richard the Lionheart, where they recast all actors of color to reimagine a mad white story — and Chris Rock got buck wild nasty.

While Chris was presenting the award for Best Documentary — shout out to my main man Questlove! — Will walked right up onto the stage, grabbed him by the shoulders, and straight jammed his tongue right down the OG comedian’s throat! It was like a wet, sloppy, passionate kiss. And like, uncomfortably long. Like, whoa.

Then, Will turned to the audience, and like basically said, “Yo, I gotta be real with y’all. I’m sick of living a lie. Me and Chris have been clandestine lovers for years, hiding in the shadows, afraid to be who we truly are. Afraid to be our authentic selves. But I’m through with all that. I don’t want to live a lie no more. I’m in love with Chris. I’ve been in love with Chris. And I’m ‘bout to stay in love with Chris for the rest of my days.”

Can you believe that shit?!?!

But then, before anybody could even catch their breath and process what just happened, Will dropped down to one knee and proposed. Right on the stage! With the whole world watching!

Chris was like stunned, and then he looked at Jada, and was like, “You good with this, Boo?”

And Jada was like, “Baby, them divorce papers been finalized. You’re free and clear, Honey. Do what your heart tells you.”

And then Chris had like the biggest smile you’ve ever seen, and tears welled up in his eyes, and he was hopping up and down like a schoolgirl screeching “Yes! Yes! Yes!” at the top of his lungs.

And then Will stood up, hugged him, and tongue-fucked Chris’s face one more time. But like then, in truly scandalous fashion, he slapped Chris right on the ass!

And this wasn’t no playful love tap like slap. This was like, rough. Like, Bruh you best get the K-Y Jelly cuz I’m gon’ savage that bony ass after the show.

Shit was bonkers.

And then everyone collected themselves and the rest of the show went off without a hitch.

But here’s the craziest part. After I saw it, I went on Twitter, and like, nobody was even talking about it. No hashtags were trending. There were no viral tweets. Or hot takes. Or racist bullshit. There wasn’t even any anti-LGBTQIA+ hysteria.

It was like, no big deal.

Which I guess makes sense, you know, with all the really important shit happening in the world right now.

You know, like, the Ukraine crisis.

And the Afghanistan crisis.

And the Yemen crisis.

And the Syria crisis.

And the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic.

And the absolutely embarrassing and despicable, racist-ass SCOTUS confirmation hearings.

And inflation.

And like, this totally wild political comeback by Malaysia’s former prime minister, who was implicated in the $4.5 billion 1MDB scandal.

And Tom Brady threatening to go to the Dolphins or some shit, which caused Bruce Arians to quit his job.

And this middle-aged rando joining Twitter. Dude’s account is straight fire tho follow him here.

I mean, against that backdrop, I guess it’s not surprising that two middle-aged Hollywood superstars getting freaky deaky wouldn’t rate.

I mean, I guess I’m just glad to know everyone’s engaged with the really serious shitgoing on in the world right now. It’s like, pretty refreshing, actually.

I mean, word is bond, with this kind of focus, I sincerely believe humanity can make a difference on things like reducing carbon emissions. And decreasing income inequality. And achieving racial equity in our schools and in the workplace.

Honestly, I’ve never felt more optimistic.

But, for real tho, if you missed the Will and Chris love story — and you probably did — do yourself a favor and check it out.

It’s a banger.